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to be the second worst day in his life. He'd lost Lee and now,
he'd probably lost Koji.
Before they'd even really had a chance.
* * * *
"Koji-chan."
Koji slipped his hands from his hair and looked up. Gina
stood in front of him. In the back of his consciousness he felt
the stiffness in his limbs from sitting in the waiting room chair
for hours. "Yes?" He jumped to his feet, heart pounding.
Gina smiled. "Dad will be okay. The doctor said he had an
anxiety attack. Not a heart attack."
Dropping back into the chair, Koji heaved the deepest sigh
of relief. He knew well about anxiety attacks, considering he'd
had about five hundred of them in recent years. They weren't
harmful ... just frightening when you didn't know what was
happening to you. Tears sprang in his eyes. He reached up to
wipe them away. Relief made his limbs feel like gelatin.
"The doctor also said Dad can come home now. He should
just rest and he'll be fine. Will you come back with us?"
Koji stiffened. Behind Gina, he saw Jiro with their father.
The older man sat in a wheelchair. The colour in his face was
restored but he looked tired and sullen. The cold sweat
returned in Koji's armpits and his stomach tightened again.
He swallowed hard. He had no excuse to leave and go home.
If he refused, Gina would want to know why. Certainly, his
father wouldn't want him around, and yet Koji felt guilt pull
him, like an iron rope between him and his father. He nodded.
"Of course I will."
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Slowly he stood and followed Gina over to his father.
Tashiro Watanabe's eyes widened when his gaze met Koji's
but then he looked down quickly.
Koji's blood chilled in his veins but he silently walked with
his family out of the hospital to the curb where they helped
their father into a taxi. Koji sat in the front seat and went
back with them to his house.
As if things couldn't get worse, Etsu was standing on the
front walk when the cab pulled up. She wore a smile though
her eyes looked anxious. No doubt, Gina had called her friend
with the news.
Koji's heart started to pound. He needed to find a private
spot and call Naoto, to tell him his father was okay. Naoto
believed himself at fault. Once inside the house, Koji excused
himself to the bathroom and pulled his phone from his jacket
pocket phone. If he spoke quietly, he could at least tell Naoto
the news and then promise to call him later when he'd left.
But when he opened his phone, he found it dead. He
frowned when the power refused to turn on with repeated
pressing of the button. It didn't make sense. He charged the
thing every night before he went to sleep. When he'd picked it
up before going to the hospital, it had been working fine.
Kuso.
Koji sank down onto the closed toilet seat and forced in a
deep breath. With Etsu here, there would be no chance in hell
to call Naoto from the house phone. Now he'd have to wait
until later. Then he remembered, he didn't have Naoto's
number written down. He'd programmed it directly into his
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phone. His card for the White Tiger was back in his apartment
and if he left now, he'd never be forgiven.
I saw the way she used to look at you. His father's words
rang in Koji's mind. His father had known all this time. Known
how he'd felt and how Shizuko had felt. How could he ever be
with Naoto now, after this? After having tortured his father for
years. Of course, he hadn't known what he was doing at the
time, but it couldn't be an excuse. He'd made an attempt to
be happy and look what had happened.
Koji felt darkness envelop him, like a deep cave, sucking
him into its endless depths, beyond his control. The darkness
stayed with him, weighed on his chest the entire evening.
Etsu and Gina made supper and Koji forced himself to eat as
much as he could so as not to rouse suspicion, but it was
nearly impossible with his father nearby, glancing at him with
a furrowed brow and then away, as if hating Koji and terrified
of him at the same time.
Koji sighed and took a sip of tea, working not to let his
hand tremble. He looked at Etsu, at her long hair and smooth
skin. She was pretty and very sweet. It had been very kind of
her to come over and help with supper...
He pulled in a breath. What the hell had he just been
doing?
Etsu must have felt his gaze on her, for she looked up just
then and smiled. Her eyes widened briefly in a way that
seemed to show pleasure at him noticing her.
His gut lurched. He forced himself to return the smile and
continued to struggle with his meal.
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After supper, Gina and Etsu went to do the dishes, leaving
Koji with his father and Jiro. He followed them into the living
room and sat hunched on the sofa, staring at a sumo
wrestling match on the television. Koji sighed. Last week at
this time, he was sitting with Naoto, watching Ryu box. Two
things he would never normally do. At one point, Ryu knocked
his opponent down and the crowd had gone wild, everyone
there seeming to sense that Ryu was the underdog coming
out victorious. Koji had felt Naoto's hand around his,
squeezing it, for just a moment before releasing him. And Koji
had felt something he hadn't since watching the sakura petals
fall with Shizuko alive. The thought made his chest squeeze.
Strange how life could become so vastly ... different in the
space of a few days.
The match ended and Jiro flipped off the TV. "Maybe you
should get some rest, Dad," he said, picking up the empty
beer bottles on the coffee table.
"Yes, I will." Tashiro Watanabe took a deep breath and
pushed up slowly from his chair.
Koji sat up at attention, then rose as his father did, heart
pounding. It occurred to him that the older man was
exaggerating his tiredness, but then he remembered his
father's expression that day as Naoto gripped his collar and
kept him pinned to the wall. Guilt spiked through Koji.
Perhaps it didn't matter whether his father was faking to a
degree. The fear he'd experienced was real. As was the
betrayal for so many years.
Clearing his throat, Koji dared to approach his father.
"Good night, Dad," he murmured and bowed. "I'll see you
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tomorrow." He felt like an obsequious mouse ... disgusting ...
but couldn't help it.
Tashiro Watanabe halted and looked at him. The man's
brow was furrowed and his lips turned down in that seemingly
permanent scowl he had. Come to think of it, Koji didn't
remember the last time he'd heard his father laugh. "Good
night, Koji. Walk Etsu home." Then he turned and walked
slowly out.
Koji stared at his father's back. Those last words spiralled
through him in an icy way. The message was clear.
Jiro cast him a sympathetic glance but went along with his
father-in-law, as if the man would fall down again. As usual,
there was nothing the man could do for Koji except
sympathise.
Etsu was in the kitchen with Gina. The two women were
laughing softly together about something, but when Koji
came to the doorway, their laughter ebbed.
Koji's heartbeat started to race. "I can walk you home, if
you'd like."
She smiled and nodded, too enthusiastically for Koji. "Yes,
thank you, Koji-chan."
He and Etsu both said goodnight to Gina and left. Koji
walked silently at Etsu's side. He remembered the thoughts
he'd entertained of her earlier and sighed. The feeling of
darkness that had shrouded him earlier, now settled more
deeply. "Thank you, Etsu, for helping us today."
She smiled up at him. "No problem. I understand how
difficult it is when something happens with a parent." Her
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voice was soft, sympathetic and traitorously, Koji felt soothed
by it.
"Yes, it is," he agreed.
At her door, he stood in front of her. Etsu gazed up at him
with that longing he'd seen on her face since they were kids [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]