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personal boundaries."
"The Passion-Fulfillment Paradox: Even though passion and fulfillment have a
close, reciprocal relationship, there is an unavoidable tension between them. Passion
seeks fulfillment as its greatest reward, yet fulfillment inevitably subdues passion
because it quenches need, and thus desire."
"Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies" by Dr. Michael J. Bader,
ISBN: 0312269331, c 2002, Publisher: Thomas Dunne Books.
"I do not think sexuality is driven by kinky desires. I think it is driven by
straightforward desires for pleasure and safety. Kinkiness is merely the complicated
route that some people need to take in order to safely feel pleasure. Further, I hope to
show that many of life's difficulties stem from irrational, unconscious beliefs, and their
accompanying feelings, that were formed in childhood, beliefs that interfere with
normal development aims and satisfactions, including sexual satisfaction. Most of us
are held back, both in and out of the bedroom, by these beliefs and continually struggle
to overcome and master them. Sexual fantasies and preferences represent a
complicated attempt to counteract and master specific irrational beliefs in order to
enjoy greater pleasure."
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"Sexual preferences are merely sexual fantasies that are enacted in the external
world. What we would most like to do, while sometimes secret, is similar to and
derives from exactly the same source as what we like to imagine. In the end, sexual
excitement feels the same and has the same meaning regardless of the situation that
elicits it."
"Safety is the crucial concept needed to decipher the mysteries of sexual
passion. Safety is the concept that functions as the key to unlocking the meaning of our
fantasies, a kind of Rosetta stone guiding our attempts to translate the language of
physical arousal into the language of psychological meanings. The quest for
psychological safety is at the center of psychological life."
"Sexual fantasies always find a way of turning the 'no' of guilt into the 'yes' of
pleasure, the unconscious intention of fantasy triumphing over guilt. Sexual
excitement also requires that we momentarily become selfish. We need to have the
capacity to 'use' another person without concerns that the other will feel used. This
aspect of sexuality can be aptly described as ruthless. There needs to be tension
between selfishness and caring, between using and pleasing the other."
"When we reduce something human to the status of a thing, or imbue things
with human qualities, we are said to be fetishing them. The function of fetishes is to
eliminate any guilt and worry that might interfere with sexual excitement by
eliminating the human dimension of the other person."
"Since guilt inhibits sexual arousal, its diminution produces excitement. The
unconscious logic is a kind of perversion of the Golden Rule: Have others do unto you
what you feel guilty about doing unto others."
"The master and slave provide each other with a special kind of attention and
recognition that counteracts an internal sense of being unimportant, invisible, and
without value"
My comments:
The first book, "Different Loving," is an excellent text book on the subject of
dominance and submissiveness.
The second and third books were a result of sex therapy, and thus, covered
people with emotional problems. They shed important light on the subject, but missed
the big component of healthy individuals expressing their sexuality. Neither book
offered to explain the occasional ruthless sexual expression by healthy individuals.
Throughout both books were instances of women with relationship or sexual
problems, and all of which had absent, or controlling, or condescending fathers. The
author explained how the women were trying to compensate for something that was a
result of irrational beliefs rooted in childhood. Not so much as one of the women had a
close relationship with her father when she was a little girl. Interestingly, the men with
sexual problems also had problematic relationships with their father.
It should be noted that the author of the second book, Dr. Morin, had his own
troubled relationship past. He said, "I had just extricated myself from the most painful
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yet sexually exhilarating relationship of my life. At one moment we would be lost in
passion. Then, without warning, my lover would vanish, apparently overwhelmed by
our closeness. For years I had come back for more until, devastated and humiliated, I
eventually broke it off for good."
The first book, "Different Loving," was brought to my attention by my
girlfriend. One day she and I were browsing in the bookstore, when she took a book
off the shelf and sat down and read it for an hour. She then excitedly showed the book
to me, and I suggested we purchase it. After she read it, I asked her to tell me the parts
that affected her most, and why. She described them to me, I affirmed her feelings, 1
made mental note of them, and then at later dates, I made each one of them her reality,
thus expanding her envelop of sexuality even further.
"Sex is hardly ever about sex." Shirley MacLaine
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The Energy Orgasm
I asked my girlfriend where she felt each orgasm when I stimulated her in each
way. They are as follows:
Clit: In clit and then in vagina right when she comes. It makes her vagina "want
it."
Front of Deep Spot: In vagina.
Back of Deep Spot: Deep inside vagina, also anus. The most "exerting" of all
orgasms. Sometimes the stimulation is too much to handle and it makes her brown
out.
Instant Orgasm on Command: Head, vagina, and sometimes clit. Intercourse:
Vagina.
Anal intercourse: Vagina and anus. More of a "pressure feeling." Nipple
orgasm: Head, vagina, and womb.
It appears that the nipple orgasm is the only orgasm that she feels in her womb.
So I went in very deep and stimulated her cervix, thinking that I could cause a womb
orgasm, but it resulted in a vaginal orgasm.
So I decided to get to her womb in an entirely different way... [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]